The Rock from which I was cut:
As I look back, even before I was born into this world, I can see God’s mighty hand of love upon my life. Right from the start I can see that God had a plan for me. I was adopted at about 2 weeks old. Today I look back and realize that my birth mother could have easily opted for an abortion, but by the will and power of El Shaddai (Almighty God) she chose life – that I might have life. So from the beginning I can see God’s work in my life, but it still took time for me to realize that (you can read more about adoption in my post Huiothesia).
I initially accepted Christ as my Savior when I was nine by looking and observing the relationship of my own Dad had with Christ, and I wanted the same. Not too long after I entered into middle school and was exposed to things I had never seen or known before. Gradually I began to stray away from my intimacy with God.
In Middle School I became infatuated with culture, philosophy, and other religions and slowly started to wander away from my relationship with God as I began to look into these other factors. I was trying to find my identity in something else, other than the One who created me. I became extremely depressed and very very lost. I started to seek different ways to alleviate this sorrow that I felt inside. I turned my back completely on God and put my attentions on the opposite of Him for a brief time.
By the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, my parents caught up to what was going on and sent me to a Christian counselor. Through the process of seeing the counselor and much prayer through our church, God was beginning to really beat me upside the head and open my eyes to His power. Through this time of struggling to find out who I was, God kept pressing into me with His love, never giving up on me.
Eventually I agreed to go to a Christian Fine Arts Camp during the summer (as suggested by my counselor). When I went I saw people that looked like me – a guy with a blue mohawk, a girl wearing lots of beads and baggy clothes, etc. The camp was just a rainbow of diversity as far as everyone’s backgrounds and lifestyles, but God was a unifying source for all of them.
Every night we had a worship service and I saw these people just rip open their hearts before their God and pour their souls out to Him because of the love and grace Christ had bestowed upon them. I saw genuine and unbridled passion expressed towards their Savior and I remembered that same intimacy I once had in my life with Him. I saw them use their creative abilities (art, songwriting, acting, dancing, etc) to worship their Father who had given them those talents. It opened up my eyes to see that there are people in the world who genuinely love God who may not be the first people (by appearances) you would normally want to approach. I saw that it was okay to be a Christian and have a strong creative and artistic drive.
I began to understand that although I could live my life in rebellion against God, He will never budge (away from me) and His love is truly un-conditional (Romans 8:37-39). I was His child first and foremost and He wanted me back in His arms (Galatians 4:4-7) and He wasn’t going to relent until I was in that place.
I was starting to grasp the power and grace of the cross and that God stooped down lower than all of us because He loved me and desired me to be with Him where He is. I was beginning to grasp the magnitude and power of His grace and what His Son had done for the world. So I re-dedicated my life to Him at the age of 13 and really began to live in a passionate relationship with Christ that extended beyond Sunday schools and church walls. It took me coming to the realization that “accepting Christ” isn’t just about saying a prayer, it isn’t just about going to church but it is about a real. living, intimate love relationship with the Son of God – Jesus Christ. It also took me realizing that although I turned completely away from Him He still loved me, He still loves me. Nothing I could have done would ever change that because He came and died once for all time for the sake of true love (Hebrews 9:11-28). For that – I have fallen in love with my Redeemer and my Savior who literally saved me from death, because His love is stronger, His jealousy unyielding as the grave (Song of Songs 8:6). Even death cannot detain His pursuit for my heart! He once was, He will come, and He is alive and moving today – wooing my heart and yours that we may be with Him in glory! [Please read Hebrews 9:11-28 for more info
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I believe my testimony is my life journey. Since that time (freshman year of high school) I have still had a few trips and stumbles on the path of Christ and am by no means blameless. At this point (10 years after the fact) my relationship and love for Christ is at an all time high. I am passionately in love with Him and desire to live out my life according to His standards and His heart, striving to go deeper with Him day by day.
At the moment, God is really teaching me how to glorify Him through every second of my day, how to cling to His strength in faith, and what it really means to live life unto Him completely, wholly, and without compromises (although these are pretty constant lessons to learn). I just recently graduated college with a BFA in Theatre and now after college, my ultimate and strongest desire in this time of my life is to truly live for Christ and follow His heart- following the Lamb wherever He goes (Rev. 14:4).
After the experience of re-dedicating my life completely to Christ, the Lord placed a burden on my heart to reach out to the nations, extending His love to all people. In high school my dream was to be a missionary for the glory of my God, Jehovah. Over the past year that desire has been accompanied with a new one, to stand as a “watchmen” over Jerusalem through prayer:
“I have set watchmen on your walls, O Jerusalem; they shall never hold their peace day or night, you who make mention of the Lord, do not keep silent, and give Him no rest till He establishes and till He makes Jerusalem a praise in the earth.” Isaiah 62:6-7
How is God moving my heart today?
God is so sovereign and righteous! Who am I that He would stoop down from the glory of His throne to rescue me – to grant me freedom? I am nothing. I lose it all to gain all of Him. Though I am imperfect and fallible – He is my rock and my refuge. Though I am weak and broken – His love for me still abides, even when I have crawled into the darkest of caverns – His love is never, ever separated from me.
I am in love! I am captivated! My Savior has melted my heart and there is nothing in the world that is as wonderful as He! His passionate gaze has locked into mine and my heart gives way within me. No words can describe it, no dance could express, no song can be sung, to do justice to the majesty of His love within me! “He is the seal upon my arm, upon my heart – His love is as strong as death, jealousy unyielding as the grave, and many waters cannot quench this love”! I am in love with a lamb, and I will follow Him wherever He goes.
He has placed within me a desire to see the nations fall in love with Him, to see His glorious city and those whom He has chosen to return to Him as the Spirit and the Bride say “come”! Oh how He loves us! How He weeps over those who have not yet acknowledged His love, how He longs for them to know the fiery love within His heart!
I love to worship Him, I love to dance within His throne room and lay at His feet. I love Him! Ani ohevet Yeshua (I love Jesus)!